Me or Her
by AstrophilnStella'sCourtlyLove
Summary: Sam didn't have the courage to tell Freddie how she felt about him the night of the lock-in at school. Years later, her decision still hunts her as she watched him be with Carly. But when Freddie and Carly break up, old feelings come to light. "If you had come to me that night, told me how you felt-" Freddie started. "What? What would be different?" "Everything."
1. Chapter 1

**Me or Her**

 **Chapter One**

Sam picked up her phone as it buzzed on the counter next to her perched elbows.

 **Carly:** **Are you on break? 10:30 AM**

 **Sam:** **Aren't I always on break. What's up? 10:32 AM**

 **Carly:** **I have to tell you something. Don't freak out. 10:33 AM**

"Mam!" a woman interrupted Sam as she was about to insist Carly tell her what it was. She dropped her phone on the counter with a loud thud and looked up at the petite blonde woman.

"What the hell lady? I'm trying to text here." Sam growled.

The woman was gaped. "How dare you, I want to speak to the manager here."

"You're looking at her." Sam snapped.

"Some gym you run here." the woman snarled sarcastically.

"If you don't like it then maybe you should just get out." Sam yelled though she regretted the moment the words left her mouth. She was barely staying afloat and couldn't afford to lose any more customers because of her big mouth.

"Wait comeback I'm-" she trailed off as the woman had left. She rolled her eyes and picked up her phone again.

 **Sam: You there kid? 10:36 AM**

 **Sam: What do you have to tell me? 10:40 AM**

Sam sighed when no reply came. Carly had probably gone back to work. She would have done the same but her phone buzzed again. It was a message from Freddie. She smirked before she even opened the message. They had been sending each other funny videos all week. At the end of the week, whoever made the other laugh the most was picking up the tab at Dereck's, a bar they frequented. It was already Thursday and he was killing her. The previous day he had sent a video of a man falling down three flights of stairs. He knew she loved seeing people hurt themselves.

She opened the message and clicked play on the video. It surprised her when she saw Freddie's face on her iPhone screen. He was just sticking his tongue out at the camera and wagging it. She couldn't help but laugh. Only he could make her laugh at the lamest of stunts. He was such a nub.

She was about to text him back when Lewis touched her shoulder.

"We got a leak in the men's bathroom, boss." her employee told her. "You may have to call that plumber again."

"Aww chiz." she grunted. "Let me take a look." She put her phone down and followed him to the men's bathroom.

* * *

Sam was getting ready to leave work around four pm. She usually got off at three since she hired an evening shift supervisor but she had to wait for the plumber to get there before she left. She loved being the boss, she could never imagine working for someone, not with her temper. After community college she had started keeping self defense classes in her apartment. The word got out, and her classes grew bigger and bigger. She had finally made enough money to rent out a building to host the classes. The cheapest she found was an old gym. Inspiration struck and she was now a twenty-eight year old gym owner. Three times a week she still carried on with her self defense classes at night.

Carly and Freddie had fallen into their careers seamlessly as well. Freddie worked as the director of photography on a crime drama series that filmed in Seattle, Sam had yet to tune into the show. While Carly now wrote an advice column for a local newspaper.

She grabbed her gym bag from under her desk and and headed for the door but it swung open before she could reach the door knob. Carly ran in crying with running mascara and sobbing loudly. She gripped Sam in a tight hug for a moment before letting go.

"Carls what's wrong?" Sam asked concerned. "Who do I have to kill?"

"I broke up with Freddie." Carly sobbed.

Sam dropped her bag. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Carly sat in Sam's chair while she sat on her desk facing her brunette friend. Sam had gotten her to calm down enough to for her tell her what had happened. She needed to know if to panic or not. Her first instinct was that Carly was being dramatic. Her second instinct, that creeping sense of dread, told her this was something different.

"Kid, you and Freddie break up all the time. Like that time he forgot your birthday and went to that tech convention." she tried. "Or like the time you spilled coffee on his laptop and lost all of his work-"

"Not this time, it's for real." Carly said softly.

Sam shuddered at the thought. She could not believe this. She had not seen any signs of this. "Where did this come from?" she asked.

Carly looked at her then buried her face in her palms.

Sam was absolutely wary when her two best friends decided to start dating after college. It came as a shocker to her but then realized she wasn't there with them in college. They both went to UCLA while she went to community college in Seattle. They had probably grown closer when she wasn't there. They had promised it wouldn't get in between their friendship, and it hadn't...until now.

"I've been thinking it for a while." Carly finally admitted. "I just didn't tell you because you always say to keep you out of the relationship drama. I just felt like I was holding on to a relationship I outgrew. I'm just not who I used to be in college. I don't love him like I used to."

Sam stared at her friend, a million thoughts rushing through her head. "I didn't know you felt that way." Sam said.

Carly nodded then another thing occurred to Sam. Freddie! The dork was helplessly in love with Carly. No ifs buts or maybes. Since always, Freddie had loved Carly. When they finally got together the plus side was that she didn't have to listen to his rants about his unrequited love. She needed no lessons on that front.

"How did Freddie take it?" Sam asked.

Carly shook her head. "Not good. Tried to get me to change my mind."

"Damn it Carls-" Sam's phone went off.

"What?" she answered. "You better come and get your buddy here." Dereck said. Sam's face scrunched up confused then she heard Freddie's voice slurring in the background.

"I'm on my way. Thanks for the call Dereck." Sam got off the phone looking at Carly torn.

"Go ahead." Carly said. "He needs you more than I need you right now."

Sam nodded. "I'll call you later." She grabbed her leather jacket on her way out.

* * *

Sam found Freddie half asleep on the bar counter, a half drunk class of whiskey next to his head. Dereck flashed her a sympathetic smile from behind the counter as she slung one of Freddie's arms around her neck. She was winded before they even got to the door, Freddie was mostly muscle mass now. He frequented her gym nad even helped her out with her self-defense classes some nights. He was very used to her kicking his ass anyway. Sam grunted and almost rammed him into the heavy double doors as she took him out of the bar. The evening sum made his eyes flicker open. Sam could hardly stand it, he looked terribly depressed. His eyes were dull orbs and his lips turned down into a frown. She felt her own heart breaking for her friend, not that she would ever admit it.

"Sam?" he slurred, eyes half open.

"Yeah, it's me." She leaned him against her car as she opened the backseat. She struggled even more to support his weight with only one hand. "Help me out will you buddy." She gasped as he began to slide to the ground. Lucky for him he was able to stop himself from eating pavement and pushed himself back to lean against the side of her Sedan.

"Get in." she said though she pushed him in without giving him a choice.

As she drove the familiar route to his apartment she thought about how colossally fucked she was. If Carly and Freddy didn't get back together what she supposed to do? Split them up for different days of the week. No more dinner parties at Spencer's. Absolutely no more Saturday hang outs when they got together to watch iCarly reruns. Would it come down to her choosing? She didn't want to think about it but it would be Carly. Luckily, one thing she did know was that her would never ask her choose between them, right?

"Fuck me!" Sam grunted hitting the steering wheel fiercely.

She looked at him through her rear-view mirror and her heart instantly softened for the dummy. He was leaned against the window steering out at the city. He was crushed, devastated. Carly, she knew, would mope for a few days but the brunette would pick herself up and be okay eventually. But Freddy, especially since he was dumped, wouldn't handle it nearly as well.

* * *

When she got to his apartment Freddie was able to walk on his own but Sam still had one arm around his waist in case his feet gave out. The doorman, who was usually friendly, scolded at them but she didn't have time to question it when Freddie's landlord came out yelling in Hindi.

"I can't understand what you're saying?" Sam yelled over him and silenced him.

"Get him out of here." The man yelled pointing at Freddie with wild eyes.

"He lives here. What's your fucking damage?" Sam yelled right back. This was not how she was meant to spend her evening. She had three beers and a box of leftover fried chicken waiting for her at home. She didn't bargain for a manic landlord, a drunk best friend and news that things were never going to be the same again with her friends.

"Not anymore he doesn't. He's being evicted." the man continued just as riled up.

"What! You can't do that without giving him-"

"Thirty days notice? How about a visit from the cops? He came home two hours ago drunk and crazy. Trashed the apartment and punched me in the nose." the man said with flailing arms.

Sam gasped now realizing the purple bruising around his nose. Sam could have counted on one hand the amount of times Freddie had gotten physical and they all involved protecting she or Carly. What had gotten into him? She looked over at him, he was barely registering what was going on. She rolled her eyes in frustration.

"If he doesn't want me to press charges for assault. Tell him to get out of my apartment by the end of the week." The man turned to leave, "And he can forget about the security deposit."

Sam groaned with the insults on the tip of her tongue but the talk of pressing charges made her behave. Last thing she needed was another run in with the cops. She looked at Freddie and knew she had to take him home. She hoped Carly wasn't there, she had given Carly a set of her keys the week she moved in. She turned right around and put Freddie back into her car.

* * *

Sam was thankful the elevator in her building had finally started to work again. It made carrying Freddie a little easier. When they finally stumbled into her apartment she flicked on the lights then dropped him onto her sectional couch. She kicked off her trainers and went straight to her kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. While it brewed she ran to her medicine cabinet and took out the bottle of aspirin. She took them out for Freddie but after the day she had, she was coming down with a headache of her own. How the world had changed over night, she was being the responsible one. Nothing ever made so little sense to her.

Freddy groaned from couch and laid his back in and out of sleep. She sighed into the quiet apartment and stripped off her jacket. She went over to him and took off his shoes and tried to make him a little more comfortable on her couch. She checked in at work then went back to the kitchen for his coffee. She sat next to him and poked his side until he stirred.

"What are you doing on my couch Sam?" he said. Sam chuckled and passed him the cup of piping hot black coffee.

"Shut up dork." He took a sip before handing it back to her.

"She doesn't want me anymore." Freddy said after a moment of silence. Sam didn't have ask who. She simply sat and listened.

"She really doesn't want to be with me anymore…." he mumbled mostly to himself but it broke Sam's heart all the same.

"What did I do wrong?" He sobbed sliding his head down to Sam's lap.

Sam sighed, placed the mug on her coffee table and smoothed her hand over Freddie's cheek. She felt the moisture of his tears on her finger tips and began crying herself. Yup, that was her life. Consoling the man she loved about another woman, and not just any woman, her best friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Me or Her**

 **Chapter Two**

Sam groaned in her sleep. It was that blissfully moment between sleep and wake where the shitstorm that had been yesterday hasn't made it's way to her conscious mind yet. When she felt a huge draft in her room she stirred awake. The windows in her room were open and a huge beam of light assaulted her face. She finally turned over and opened her eyes. She almost jumped out of bed when she saw Freddie in her room.

"Freddie what the fuck?" Sam grabbed her comforter and held up to her chest. She was painfully aware that she was only in a tank top and boyshorts under the covers. "I sleep with a buttersock in my nightstand you know." Sam said.

"It's already seven. Aren't you supposed to be at work by eight?" Freddie said.

"I'm going in late today."

She looked at him more clearly now. He was actually sober. He must have fallen asleep from exhaustion. She had left him quietly crying on her couch last night. He seemed to be in a considerably better mood this morning. He had terrible bedhead but he looked fine other than that.

"Now would you get out of here." She pointed to the door. Freddie's eyebrows rose on his forehead and his eyes drifted from her face to her boobs almost toppling out of her tank top.

"Oh right. Shit. Sorry." he mumbled as he turned away and headed for the door.

Sam plopped back unto her pillow and groaned. If there were ever a scream into a pillow moment it was that instant. She took up her blue striped robe and pulled it over herself, then headed out to talk to Freddie. He was scrambling eggs when she came out. She's almost knocked off her feet, he looked like he belonged in her kitchen. She shook her head, and her thoughts along with it.

"Freddie-" she started, as delicate as possible.

He looked up from the skillet. "Eggs?"

She shook her head. "You don't remember what happened yesterday do you?"

Freddie frowned, pain flashed through his eyes. "I remember enough." he grumbled.

Sam hoisted herself unto the counter next to her fridge. "I'm sorry you know." She reached on top of the fridge for her favorite cereal and ate it dry out of the box.

"You were way out of it yesterday." Sam said, fisting a palm full of cereal.

"I just want to go home and take a shower-"

"Home?" Sam cut him off with a scoff. "Right, so you don't remember enough."

Freddie looked at her carefully, frowning deeply. "What do you mean?"

"You got evicted after punching your landlord in the nose." Sam said bluntly. "Kinda pissed I missed it."

"What? Shit. What am I going to do now? That place was perfect." Freddie said. He turned the heat off under the eggs and groaned into his palms. "Fuck!"

Sam tried to hide her smirk. There wasn't much sexier than Freddie swearing.

"Would you chill. I guess you can stay here until you find another place." she said casually. She had not yet fully thought through what having Freddie as a roommate would do to her.

"The futon is all yours."

Freddie didn't answer and picked up his cup of coffee. "Sam you don't have to do that." he finally said.

Sam rolled her eyes. She guessed he had to be polite and refuse her offer at least once but truly they both knew he was going to say yes. Moving back with his mother was completely out of the question. He wasn't particularly close to anyone on work, not enough to crash on any of their couches. That left Carly or Sam, it was basically a done deal. Sam knew why he was hesitating, he probably figured it would make things weird with Carly but what choice did he have? A hotel would work if it were short term but he had no idea how soon he was going to find a new apartment.

"She'll give you your space." Sam said, reading his mind. Freddie looked at, pulled his lips into a thin line then nodded.

"Thanks Sam." Freddie scrapped the eggs onto a plate and laid it on the counter for her.

Sam sat down and ate her eggs with Freddie leaned over the counter with his coffee. They had eaten breakfast alone before but there was something intimate about it this time. The moment the thought formed in her head was the moment she dropped the fork onto her plate with a loud clank. She refused to do this to herself again. Give herself false hope. Carly and Freddie hadn't broken up twenty-four hours and she was already selling herself a dream. She had tortured herself for years. Thinking that a lingering look meant more than it was. A more than friendly hug, she had tried it all. She had finally accepted that Freddie didn't see her in that light. She would not fall down that rabbit hole. She couldn't destroy herself again.

"Hey, my eggs aren't that bad." Freddie said misinterpreting her scowl. He picked up her fork and took a bite to make sure he wasn't wrong.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked.

"I'm not hungry." Sam said trying really hard not to cry. Damn it Freddie. When was she going to be rid of him?

"Fucking liar, you're always hungry. What's really wrong?"

Sam shook her head and hopped off the counter. Memories of her crying herself to sleep and rocking in dark corners rushed back to her all too vivid. She couldn't let herself slip again. Not with Freddie and not ever. Her heart was hammering in her chest and thoughts were racing to fast for her to come up with a believable lie. She was screwed, she knew if she wanted to survive she would have to keep Freddie at arm's length. Keeping her new roommate at arm's length, brilliant plan.

"I'm going to get dressed. I'll drop you off at your place before I head into work." Sam said never meeting his eye. She scurried off to her room without another word from Freddie.

* * *

Freddie and Sam dodged the landlord when they went to pick up Freddie's things. The apartment was wrecked. Broken picture frames, toppled over furniture and a hole the size of Freddie's fist in the wall. Sam couldn't believe just how crazy Freddie had gone. His love for Carly made him manic. She looked around at the trashed apartment with a new brand of unease. Was this her future?

Freddie was on the phone with a storage company while Sam raided his fridge. Food was always a reliable distraction. She found some left over Chinese food that she popped into the microwave. She waited for the food to warm sitting on his kitchen counter while Freddie stressed to the person on the phone he needed to move his furniture immediately. She watched him pace back and forth with an exasperated frown. When the food was done and she began eating she didn't pay attention to much else than the beef and broccoli she was ravishing. Only until Freddie joined her in the kitchen did she remembered why they were here.

"Moving trucks are coming tomorrow." He sighed in relief. The anal freak was probably stressing out with moving and dealing with his break up all at once. Sam could see the tension in his muscles and face. How badly she wanted to ease it, make him hurt less but that in turn would hurt her. She chose her sanity instead.

Sam nodded slurping noddles like a toddler. Freddie looked at her with a small smile. She hated when he did that, it was too cute. She jumped down from the counter and dropped the Chinese food in the trash.

"I'll get going, I'll try and get a key for you either today or tomorrow." Sam said. "Until then you can use these." She have him hers. "I have a class tonight so you'll probably get home before I do."

Freddie nodded looking around at the apartment, defeat in his eyes. Sam caught the look and groaned internally.

"Unless you want me to stay and help."

"I know it's shitty of me to ask-"

"It's cool." Sam sighed. She put her hair up and clapped her hands together. They started in the living room. Picking up furniture and sweeping up broken up glass. The room was almost returned to it's past glory except for the turned over couch. When Sam helped him turnover his couch she looked up at him and realized she had yet to ask.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "With everything going on?"

Freddie looked up and shrugged.

"Okay fine. Keep on walking around with that chip on your shoulder. It'll to do wonders for your mood." she jabbed sarcastically.

"Really Sam?"

"What?" she said, not liking his tone.

"Are you asking as my friend, or as Carly's?"

"You know what, fuck the both of you. You're the ones who insisted on getting together in the first place, putting me in the middle." Sam yelled heading for the door. "And for the record, I was asking as your friend. Everything I've done up to this point is because I'm your friend." she said before slamming the door behind her.

* * *

The drive to the gym did nothing for Sam's mood. She had been nothing but patient with Freddie since Carly dumped him and he was accusing her of siding with Carly. It made her want to punch something. The more she gave that man the lest she got back. She was wondering if her efforts were in vain altogether. To make things better, Carly was waiting for her when she arrived at work.

"Not now, not today and not ever Carls." Sam said brushing pass her friend to unlock her office. She simply couldn't deal with anymore bullshit and it was only ten in the morning.

"Rough night?" Carly asked following Sam into her office.

"What do you need?" Sam asked rubbing the bridge between her eyes. She might as well have been a part of the relationship because she was hurting just as much as they were.

"I'm sorry Sam but how's Freddie?"

"How do you think he is Carly?" Sam said raising her voice more than she needed to. "He's fucked up. You broke the nub's heart." Why couldn't they just stay together? Not only was it throwing their friendship through a whirlwind but she was getting her hopes up about Freddie.

"I know, I know." Carly whined. The brunette wasn't looking all that hot either. Her brown eyes were sunk into her. "What can I do? Should I talk to him?"

"Don't you dare!" Sam said firmly. That would undo the little progress Freddie had made since last night. "You stay away from him and speaking of, Freddie is staying at my place, I need your spare key so I can give him." Sam said. She didn't like saying the words but she didn't have a choice. Freddie needed a key and this would show Carly she couldn't be stopping by anytime she wanted. Carly looked taken aback and Sam regretted the harsh manner she spoke to her friend in.

"I'm sorry okay. Freddie and I had a fight this morning." Sam said. She settled into her chair behind her desk and took a deep breath. "What do I do Carls. You're my best friend in the entire world but Freddie, he needs me right now."

Carly gave her a small smile. "Sam we've best friends forever. Did that year apart change anything?"

Sam shook her head. She remembered it vividly not because of how hard it was being away from Carly while she was in Italy. It was the fallout of her leaving without telling Freddie. He had almost not forgiven her. She shook her head and looked up at Carly.

"It didn't."

"And neither will this." Carly took the key off her key ring and left it on Sam's desk. "Help Freddie out. Call me when things are better. We will all be friends again. All three of us. I promise."

Sam nodded. She hugged her friend goodbye, unsure of the next time they would see each other. That solved one problem, she didn't have to worry about choosing between them any more. She turned back to her desk, a little work should take her away from her problems for a couple hours.

* * *

"That's all for tonight ladies." Sam said dismissing the class. They clapped for a moment then began filing out of the gym.

"Thanks Sam." a regular said as she left. Sam waved the woman out before grabbing her own gym bag and hitting the showers.

It was well after nine when she finished her shower. She changed into a pair of dark washed jeans and a baseball t-shirt. She left her hair in the messy bun from class and left the gym. For the first time there wasn't just leftover take out waiting for her at home but a person. And Freddie no less. She knew they had left things less than tense, she was still excited to go home to a warm body.

The door was unlocked when she got home. Freddie sat on her couch watching television. His feet were kicked up on the edge of the coffee table. He was fresh out of a shower, hair still wet. Dressed in a white t-shirt and train printed boxer shorts. More importantly was her favorite foods laid out on the table. Fried chicken, chilli and a sliced ham to name a few. Her insides turned to goo knowing Freddie was to blame.

"Did you do all this nub?"

Freddie smiled when saw her expression. "I was an asshole this morning. Forgive me yet?" he said.

Sam hid her smile and folded her arms testing how long she could hold out on him. "Jury is still out." she said coolly.

Freddie nodded. "How about now?" he pulled a fat cake from behind his back and Sam's knees almost buckled.

"No way. That's impossible." She ran stopping just in front of the couch. She reached for it but Freddie snatched it away out of her grasp.

"Not so fast. How about now? Do you forgive me?"

Sam rolled her eyes. "I forgive you dork." Freddie grinned and tossed her the fat cake. Sam held it to her chest then inhaled the snack through the packaging.

"How did you get this?"

"I have my ways." Freddie chuckled. "Thank you Sam, for everything. If I ever forget to appreciate you, you can beat me with the buttersock."

"I'll hold you to it." Sam said, heart swelling with emotion. How sweet was he?

He patted the spot next to him on the couch.

"Girly cow, season four. Uncensored. You and me right now." he enticed.

That sounded like a perfect night to Sam. What was resolve anyway? She knew then that the fight was over. She was giving in to what she wanted. And she wanted Freddie Benson.


End file.
